If You Don't Mean It
by Ferryman of Styx
Summary: What do you do when the one you love begins to pull away. You find yourself at odds with what you want to do and the right thing. Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing . . . especially when it hurts so much.


**A/N: **_Italicized_ - Lyrics. _Underlined/Italicized_ - Rei's Lyrics

**If You Don't Mean It**

We're in the park hanging out with our friends. It's been a while since we've all hung out together. We've all been so busy with various things.

Rei's sitting at the picnic bench chatting and laughing with Haruka and Makoto. It's been ages since I've seen her this relaxed and carefree. She's been pulling away from me for a while. I know I should talk to her about it, ask her what's wrong, but I'm not sure that I want to hear the answers. I don't know what to say anymore.

_I don't know_

_How to feel_

_Let the words_

_Come easily to me_

_You seem lost_

_In your thoughts_

_And I find it hard to breathe_

_Why won't you tell me what it is?_

_It's driving me crazy trying to second guess you_

Sometimes she just seems vacant and I can't get through to her. I've thought about talking to the others about it, but they'll probably just reassure me that she's working through some personal issues and she'll talk to me when she'd ready. I don't think she will. She's not pulling away from any of the others, just me. I think I'm part of the problem.

We've been together for over a year, and it's been the best year of my life but I'm afraid. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of, but I'm afraid.

As the day comes to an end she turns to me and gives me a small smile. God, it's been so long since I've seen her smile. We wave to the others as we turn to leave. She takes my hand as we walk home.

_Don't say you love me_

_I don't believe it _

_Don't say the words_

_If you don't mean it_

_Don't want to hear it_

_Out in the open_

_Keep it inside _

_If you don't mean it_

As we reach the shrine I smile. I moved in with her some time ago due to the fact that I'd still lived with my parents and the shrine was bigger anyway. I like it here. It's . . . serene. Doesn't matter what happens in the outside world, here I'm safe, protected and in love.

_Don't even want to talk about it_

_I know I can live without it_

It's getting late so we decide to eat dinner. She's a good cook. After dinner we watch a movie, turns out the little mermaid is on. After the movie we head for bed. It's been a long day. As she lays down I curl up into her side and fall into a fitful slumber.

_If it's right_

_If it's wrong_

_Would someone let me know?_

It's tormented with all the different possibilities of what the future might hold. It's fair to say that I achieved little sleep.

_It's the game _

_I can't play_

_Do I just let you go?_

I find myself sitting at the top of the stairs leading to the shrine. The sky is beginning to lighten, signifying the approach of a new day. I don't know how long I've been sitting here for but the orange has already begun to leave the sky. A short time later the door slides open and I can hear foot steps approach.

"Are you okay?" I can hear the worry in her voice. This isn't like me. Rei's always the first to wake up.

I turn my head away as she sits next to me. I don't want her to see that I'm holding back tears. "I'm fine."

_Maybe it's just the way it is_

_I get the feeling that you know it's over_

"Don't do this to me. I care about you. Please don't lie to me."

A bitter laugh leaves my throat, as I turn to face her. "I think . . . that's rather hypocritical. Don't you?"

At the confusion that crosses her face I begin to realize that she's been lying to herself as well. She's buried her feelings deep below the surface. She's denying herself what she wants most . . . who she wants most. I refuse to let her do this to herself any longer. I think it's time that I take the first step.

With that thought planted firmly in my mind I rise and begin to make my way down the steps of the shrine.

I've made it almost to the end of the block before I hear her voice call after me, pleading, "Please! Wait!"

I hear the pounding of her steps as she runs after me . . . just a little too late. She reaches me and places a hand on my shoulder, turning me around.

"Whatever it is, I'll change, we can fix this. Just please . . . don't go." I can see the tears in her eyes, threatening to fall.

"Sorry Rei . . . it's too late for that."

_Don't say you love me_

_I don't believe it_

_Don't say the words_

_If you don't mean it_

_Don't want to hear it_

_Out in the open_

_Keep it inside _

_If you don't mean it_

With that I turn and walk away. As I reach the corner I turn back to see she hasn't moved, the tears now running down her cheeks. A small, bitter smile tugs at the corner of my mouth, I just want to run into her arms, apologize and tell her we'll work through it, tell her I love her.

But I can't. It hurts, it hurts so much, but it's the right thing. Sometimes the right thing to do is also the hardest thing to do.

But looking at her, I find I have to do the right thing. It's the least I can do for her . . . When she loves someone else.

She opens her mouth, no doubt to say the three words that will break my resolve but I hold up my hand to silence her.

_Don't even want to talk about it_

_I just don't want to talk about it_

_I just don't want to talk about it_

_God knows I could live without it_

"Don't. Don't say it Rei. Not if you don't mean it." With that . . . I walk away

_Don't say you love me_

_I don't believe it_

_Don't say the words_

_If you don't mean it_

_Don't want to hear it out in the open_

_Keep it inside_

_If you don't mean it_

Tears run down Rei's face as she looks after the retreating figure. She feels her heart break as she falls to her knees, realizing what she's lost. Realizing what she'll forever be without . . .

"But I do. I love you."

. . . Minako.

**The END**

**Disclaimer: **I unfortunately do not own Sailor Moon or If you don't mean it. They belong to their respective owners, which are not me.

**A/N: **Just in case it was confusing the _Italicized_ Lyrics are from Minako's perspective. The two lines that are _Underlined_ and _Italicized_ are lyrics from Rei's perspective. All reviews are welcome and appreciated.


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